I have had the weirdest weekend.
I saw an amazing band, Icona Pop, on Saturday night at the Troubador, went go-karting and and had In&Out for lunch… there are some of my favorite things to do on a weekend. But as awesome as it was, my highs were accompanied by huge downs as well: I’m on a veritable ‘emotional roller coaster’ as they say.
Today I decided to see if I could run this funk off and went for a ten or eleven mile run, I was too cranky to pre-determine my route so I just decided to wing it. I had an awesome playlist featuring Icona Pop and just let rip on the run -it’s was awesome. I was so pumped that I decided to swing a right on Santa Monica and do ‘The Hill’ which if any of you know in LA is that hill up Doheny that takes you to Sunset, it’s BRUTAL.
So I get mainly to the top, and my phone rings…
It’s the ex.
I’d sent some legal paper work earlier that needed signing, and apparently that didn’t go down well because an entire heated discussion broke out in Beverly Hills on the lawn of some rich person’s mansion who had to hear the very intimate details of our breakup – all while I was recovering from a brutal up hill run. Needless to say there was some yelling, and a lot of tears. I apologize to all drivers on Sunset at approximately 2pm today who witnessed this hot running mess get all emotional.
Obviously the conversation got us both nowhere, other than admission that we still loved and cared about each other… (which is SO NOT what anyone needs to hear when they’re trying to move on, right?)
So after some yelling, and crying, we hung up and I was left kinda dazed and stunned. But if anything, I knew that the run back would clear my head… so set off to do another 4 1/2 miles back home.
The problem was that I was so emotional, I kept on having to stop:
For the record, you can’t actually cry AND run at the same time, so I had to pull over to sob, and then felt odd about stopping so I’d run some more, before having to stop again to bawl my eyes out.
What a disaster!
But by the time I had got back, I actually felt much better, 11 miles is the furthest I’ve run this year and once again running has saved my ass. It’s amazing how zen you can feel after a run, yet sometimes running is the last thing I want to do.
Has running ever saved your ass like that?
This is a song from the band I saw on Saturday -it’s about longing for someone, and holding hope that they’ll come back to you.
“Please send me a sign, I can be your lighthouse -I’ll be on the shore,
I’ll be waiting for you ’til the sun goes down…. no tidal wave can turn me around.“
Running has totally saved my ass on many occasions esp w/ drama with my BF! I love long runs just to clear my head and think things thru. It really is the best feeling. Hope things get better
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I have been through an unwanted divorce, and it’s hell. He wouldn’t bother to file the paperwork, so I actually had to go to the courthouse to get it, and bring it to him to do. And it still took two years more for him to file it, with me calling occassionally for him to just get it over with already. And I wasn’t the one who WANTED to split up!
Needless to say there were many tearful episodes, which my parents had to witness (because I had moved in with them). Many 3 am pillow slamming sessions which woke them up, many yelling sessions as I begged him to file the damn papers…
But all this to say that the dark tunnel does end eventually. Not right away — I wish I could tell you it did. It took me over a year, and it was because of a song: Don Henley’s “Heart of the Matter.” I would hear it and cry, because I could only hear the line “You don’t love me anymore.” But then I slowly started to hear the line “I think it’s about FORGIVENESS…. even if you don’t love me anymore.”
And that’s the key, when you’re ready. You will need to forgive her. And someday you WILL be ready to forgive. Once I did, it was like a weight was lifted. I don’t hate him anymore. He lost a treasure when he decided to divorce me, and it’s his loss. He’s not happy. But I have moved on and I am happy with someone else.
I’m glad you have running to clear your head. I didn’t at the time. Let me know if you need someone to talk to or vent to. I’ll listen. But please trust me — the sun WILL shine again.
oh thank you so much for such kind words.
I know deep down that things will get better… for real… it’s not my first heartbreak… but sometimes it’s easily forgotten.
with love x
Sorry to hear you’re having a hard time. Glad though that you’re finding a release in running. But maybe leave your phone at home and some “you time” so you can clear your own mind and enjoy yourself.
I hope it rights itself quickly and as painlessly as possible x
I will let you know how my path goes…we are both part of Sgt. Peppers club now. Thanks for sharing, maybe I will have courage to do the same sometime.
Ugh – sorry to hear that.
Running is helping me a lot… keep at it :/
I’m so sorry you had such a bad time but running is like free therapy. I liked your route graphics, too!
There’s nothing like a good long to help blow off romantic woes!
Touching post. Running has definitely helped me through some broken hearts.
Running always saves my ass. Life is pretty damn stressful and running helps most when I really don’t want to do it. Here’s to you getting over the break up soon.
You ran 11 miles!!! How awesome are you!!!
So sorry you are going through this, but it’s amazing how for runners, running is truly the best medicine, especially in these situations. After my first true breakup, I took my frustration out on a treadmill and made myself such a better runner